Friday, March 25, 2011

Being a Lady, According to Me

 I find that I am a woman, but far from a lady at most moments in my life.  Here are some tips on how to achieve my state of lady-ness.

-          Always burp and scratch in public, dudes definitely think its hot...

-          If you’re tired, sleep in, who needs a shower?

-          Make sure to keep your mind dirty, and say whatever you think, don’t hold back, even if it’s the most disgusting thing you can think of. An example you say? How about the notion of baking your farts in a heated seat? That’s just something I’m working on...

-          Talk about your loner habits, people dig hearing about boring people and their activities. That’s how you bag the men.

-          Spit. Hey when your mouth gets full, why keep it in there?

-          Announce what you’re about to do, why hide that fact that you need to take a pee

-          You smelt it; then I probably dealt it. People fart, deal with it.

 -        Use male lingo. Ie. “I’d tap that” or “I’ve got such a boner for him”

I hope this satisfies your need to be more like me. I can’t give you all my golden advice, but this should suffice.

1 comment:

  1. I said "get my rocks off" the other day... little did I know that rocks is another word for testicles... XD I just thought it was a phrase people used about nookie.
    Ah well, like you said, male lingo.